I'm sorry, you are perhaps a loser. Even if you aren't, I am not interested. Why don't you try peanuts instead ? No, really.

I do understand the definitions on winning and losing are all relative. And that one shouldn't be judgmental about others just by taking into account a few arbitrary events. And that there's much more to a person than what's seen in the first glance. But I have to blog this.

Ideas to spend thanksgiving evenings :

shall we catch up on one of the thanksgiving holiday for a poetry or prose session ? may be we can compliment it with a food exchange program also :-)

Now!! That, coming from you, sir, the one who thinks you can hit it off by demonstrating your ardent interest in literature because the female biped writes inane blogs, is one of the greatest pickup lines that modern history has known.

No, please , dear others, don't get me wrong. Please don't conclude that I'm all smug and that I'm wearing tinted glasses and thus I see wrong intentions.

Because you, very respected sir, come back with this gem.

ok if u want we can drop the food...how about a simple poem or a prose session :-)
I shall eagerly wait for your response.

Oh you were read sir, with all seriousness and there were bouts. Of suppressed laughter and rolling on the floors. The woman thinks you are this person belonging perhaps to the category of what are called losers. You are advised peanuts. May peace be with you.

Would you like a boat ? A paper one. I will make it with your favorite colors. I promise. I will even stick stars on them. I will then wait till the dawn. I will just stand by watching you wake up smiling from the long sweet dream and then I will wait with you till dusk. When stars can shine. You know, the stars that I stuck. On the boat that I made for you. I will then give you the boat. If you wish, that is ! And we can set it sailing. To find its own home. Or ours !

This one is for you. And the undistinguished Light that flows.

I realize something. Having tangible goals is alright. An imperfect God is still fine. But such an awareness is what matters. Knowing well that one chose to do what one knew was very well possible. A sense of accomplishment would still exist. But with an awareness that it is perhaps lame. Is it better than existential depression, though ?

The need to be consistent is not really a moral one. It's a real, physical need. If one isn't consistent, then the inconsistency haunts while one is dreaming or awake, sometimes hidden sometimes all too exposed, sometimes mildly , sometimes way too sharply. It's like this gnawing thorn in the flesh. When one cannot just escape off it. Of course there could be one way. When one refuses to think! When one stops facing oneself, when one chooses to remain blissfully blind to one's own actions and their effects. When one starts living double, triple, multiple lives. That's way too much overhead for anyone. Unless someone's occupation is that.

So this need for consistency is what doesn't allow replacements very easily. The thought of starting all over again, starting afresh is brightly encouraging but it's not without difficulties. More often than not, the prospect of being able to do it, being presented with an opportunity to start over gets one excited about it. And the excitement blinds the person to the inconsistencies. And that's how though glossy, the course of replacements might have troubles. And thorns.

And if they are additions, there might be a good chance to better things. The good thing about additions is that one doesn't lose anything.

Most of what I am saying doesn't make sense, I know. When did I ever set out to make sense.

This is playing a lot.

A case of mightily failed expectations. Beats me to think of it. But if pointlessness is a real reality, why is there a sense of loss ? A course of replacements, of course. But a sense of tearing up the half-written story. Blackening the half-painted picture. Throwing away something that you fondly picked up before looking into it. It's not personal. It's not about capability. It's about situations if one has to think of it in causal terms. But there's more. Something more fundamental. Drive ?

A course of replacements, yet again. But then why should one force inertia on oneself ? Why should letting it all go be difficult ? Fear of the unknown is one thing. But a willing submission. Perhaps the replacement was not meant to be. Perhaps it was to be an addition. Like a new day in the story which would never come or perhaps like a visitor to that lone, noiseless house on a far away island. Not a new story.

A replacement is simpler. At the first glance. But there's another very important thing called consistency.

Random bits of infinite wisdom.

Existence depends on randomness. All that there is, is randomness. But randomness makes life pointless. Now if there were a point to existence, then the randomness gets constrained. There is no complete freedom then. So, if there's a choice between a free life and a purposeful life (whatever that means), one gets to choose once. There is no balance.

After having surmounted a set of difficulties to actually get inside the building, inside the computer lab I find the entire place neat. And I start arranging the chairs in their rightful places and all that. And I report the same to Sridhar "Yeah, was arranging everything here. They have microwaved the whole place"

:|

Vacuum . Vacuum . Vacuum.

Then he politely asks me "Can you please introduce me to your sister?"

:|